Tips for parents

Show your child that you are backing it all the way and that you love it just as it is. Your child has become highly insecure due to the many negative reactions from its environment and it needs your support more than anything else. Also continue to boost your child's courage to tackle things – despite the existing difficulties it must face.

Regular mealtimes and bedtimes are extremely important for children with ADHD. Because a structured daily routine provides reliable orientation points and divides the day into small, manageable sections. For example, having breakfast together may be an important base for a good start of the day. Your child will have the schedule quickly memorised and thus always knows what's next. Also, rituals – such as a bedtime story for younger children –may provide indications for desirable behaviour (now it's time to calm down and get to sleep).

Parents often find it difficult to see their offspring's positive characteristics. After all, daily life with ADHD can be really wearing and nerve-racking. Endless disputes and reprimands – developing into a genuine vicious circle, poisoning the atmosphere at home. All the more important it is to be aware of it and change the perspective again and again. Take a close look – because every child has great traits and talents. The best way is to consider together with your child what he/she really likes to do and what he/she is good at. This is not only good for your child but it will also give you courage and strength again to face and overcome difficult times.

Children with ADHD have a much harder time than others to abide by the rules or to perform the requested tasks or assignments. So lavish praise on your child when it is successful in keeping agreements or in finishing an activity. Because: Positive reinforcement promotes desired behaviour! It is helpful to word your praise as precisely as possible, even including details when praising the completed homework or a painted picture.

Children need reliable rules in everyday life. They provide a sense of orientation, reliability and security. This is of particular importance for children with ADHD. Clear limits and structures have a soothing effect. They also help your child to keep in line and learn discipline. Why don't you try to establish some golden rules together with the whole family – rules all the family jointly wants to keep.

Make sure to always express yourself clearly and precisely. Short and meaningful sentences are important to ensure that you get your message across. In turn, you should sensitively react, with real interest, to your child's comments, like "school is stupid"; don't just dismiss them. Try to get to the root of the problem through intelligent questions and active listening. Another basic rule for good communications: I-messages are better than you-messages. Actually, a you-message is mostly understood by the other person as an accusation or belittlement, just making the situation more muddled or hopeless. One typical example: "You never do your homework on time." An alternative with a higher probability of cooperation might be, for example: "I am vexed that you are not doing your homework on time. What can we do to make you complete it in good time?"

If the child has broken the rules, always react immediately and consistently. This clearly shows your little rebel which behaviour is undesirable and helps your child to internalize that breaking the rules always has its consequences. Your child thus has the chance to adjust its behaviour accordingly and learns that arguing and tricking is pointless. In this respect, it is important not only to explain the rule beforehand to your child but also make sure it has been understood – this does not mean that your child has to love the rule. Also, your reaction should always be reasonable and comprehensible. One example: If your child tips over the waste paper basket in the living room, it must make up for this misbehaviour and sweep the living room floor.

Accept your child's characteristics and try to treat them with understanding. If something does not go as expected, don't force it. This would build up unnecessary pressure and rather lead to the child defiantly working against you – now more than ever. In case of tantrums, you are better off leaving the room, trying to solve the problem some time later in a calmer setting. Be sure to also tell your child that's the way you will proceed, so that it does not feel rejected.

To get things into perspective and gain the necessary mental distance, you should allow yourself regular time-outs. Daily life with ADHD-children can be very exhausting and drain your energy; so you must make sure to regularly recharge your batteries. If you yourself are relaxed and emotionally balanced, this will also carry over to your child. Children with ADHD need steady close contact persons and must always know exactly who is responsible and for what. Nonetheless, it is sensible to distribute the tasks of care and education to several reliable persons.